The Journey Is Over....

Today was the culmination of a very long and stressful journey. Melanie went into labor around 1pm and Anna was born at 1:17 pm. She was just barely over a pound. The Lord called her home a few minutes later. She was to small and delicate to withstand the stress of labor. We were fully aware of this and we decided not to pursue drastic measures to keep her with us. We got to hold her and say goodbye. Anna was a fighter from day one, and fought long and hard to come into this world, but it was not meant to be.

We prayed for miracles throughout this pregnancy, we have received many miracles but not the one we prayed for the most. We have to believe that there is a greater plan through all of this. Sometimes the answer to prayers is not one we like, but we have to look at what the answer truly was. The answer to our prayers was getting to know Anna in a very special way. Through the various sonograms and monitoring we got to truly know Anna's personality. She was a very spirited young lady. We saw her kick and squirm when she was tired of getting looked at, we saw her constantly hide from the sonogram techs, it was her way of saying "catch me if you can." In the hospital she would be on the monitor, then disappear and have the nurses scramble to find her then show up in the exactly same spot she was before. She very much inherited the stubbornness that both her mom and dad have. We got to constantly hear her heartbeat for a week straight, even though we stressed constantly over it (maybe got a very grey hairs). We experienced some of the worries parents feel on a day to day basis. I would not trade that for the world.

I believe one of the miracles we received was that we got to know Anna in the womb. If it was God's plan all along was to take Anna, He gave us a glimpse of our child, and we are very thankful for that. We were truly graced by Anna's time on this earth so were more people than we know.

Third Day has a song "When the rains come" it is a song that was written from God's point of view talking to us. This song was on my heart for that last month of the pregnancy and it scarred me to death, thinking that the result of all of this would be the worst. The lyrics go:

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

As Anna came and went this afternoon, our room had 5 very big windows, and as our parents showed up to support us, the sky clouded over and it rained for the first time in two weeks here, and I felt God holding us in the midst of the rain. And I pray that He will continued to hold us through this storm.

http://chwcmedia.com/When%20the%20Rain%20Comes.mp3

There is another song that our buddy Rich posted on our blog a couple days ago, his comment went as such:

"my favorite line from a Counting Crows song called "Anna Begins". The line goes, "everytime she sneezes I believe it's love..." Love is born in the smallest of moments."

This is one of my favorite songs, I was really touched about what he wrote, I have liked this song for as long as I have known. I looked the song up today and here is the end of the song:

It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
She disappears and Oh Lord,
I'm not ready for this sort of thing

http://chwcmedia.com/05%20Anna%20Begins.mp3

We definitely were not ready for today, but I could never imagine ever being ready for this sort of thing, We held our baby and prayed over her, gave her spirit to God and now must move on.

We need prayers more than ever, Melanie is fine after delivery but the next couple of weeks will be tough, We have to offer our situation up to God. The rains are truly coming.

Pray for Us,
Nick and Mel

Each Day Is A Gift

It's funny how when you first find out you are pregnant you are always looking to the finish line; the big "due date". When I first started having problems I started looking from week to week then it was day to day. Now I go hour to hour. We made it through another day in week 26 and we are so thankful.

After a tough couple of days, we are staying the course with the help of the drug terbutaline. This is a drug used for asthma patients to relax lungs but doctors have found that it also relaxes the uterus and keeps it from contracting. Terbutaline is my friend!

Nick and I have tried to make this hospital room our home away from home; he even brought in our DVD player. As far as hospital rooms go, it's not too shabby. We have our own balcony with a chaise lounge (though I am stuck to my bed and can't even enjoy it!) My day seems to be split up into categories: shower time, bathroom time and meal time. It is these 3 reasons alone that get me out of bed. The rest of the time I spend laying down incubating Anna while she is constantly monitored.

This is the famous fetal heart monitor that we seem to watch more and more everyday.

God has brought us this far and we sailing on your prayers and support. Thank you so much.

Love and prayers,
Nick, Melanie and Anna

Another Tough Night....

Sunday Night was by far the toughest to date. The contractions started again about midnight. The baby's heart rate dipped at each contraction. They put Melanie on oxygen for the majority of the night in order to make sure Anna was getting the appropriate amount. Melanie received multiple terbutaline shots throughout the night in order to slow/stop her contractions. If Anna's heart rate stays below 80 or so for a couple of minutes we head to the delivery room. Anna is still to little to really be considered viable, so the odds are really low if she delivered now. At every contraction we stare at the heart rate monitor and pray for the number to go up (it is incredibly nerve racking)

We are still hoping the the terbutaline will buy us the time we need.

In need of prayers,
Nick and Melanie

Waiting at Winnie

Well, we're still here and loving every minute of it!

After the rough night we had a few days ago, things have seemed to level out. Over the past 4 days our life has created new routines which include checking and monitoring Anna's heartbeat -- she loves to play hide-n-seek with the monitor and the nurses. Seeing as she is so small, it is hard to keep her on the monitor because she has so much room to swim around. I have been drinking enough water to raise the Titanic, but apparently Anna seems to like it since her amniotic fluid level has improved a little since Tuesday. With all that water, I cannot understand why the nurses would be so surprised/annoyed with all my bathroom breaks from the monitor!

Nick and my Mom have been arm-wrestling over who is going to sleep on the cot in our room; Nick won last night. My Mom went home and got a well-deserved and much needed night's sleep. Nick has been working from the hospital room and takes his much needed field trips to go home and do exciting things like feed Orange and Sheba and do laundry.

We are pretty much staying on a mental day-by-day here and not thinking too far into the future. Just monitoring Anna ... waiting .... and praying...

Thank you everyone for your comments and prayers. Keep them up, they must be working because we are still here. Also thank you to the wonderful holy men and women who have visited and called us: Fr. Walsh, Fr. Miguel, Fr. Karl and Sr. Rosemary. Your presence has been a comfort and knowing that you are praying and offering Mass for us is like having a direct line to the Big Man Himself!

Love to all.
Still expecting Miracles,
Melanie, Nick & Anna

Whining at Winnie

Last Monday's blog seems as if it were a year ago! After hearing the question "Are you having any contractions" from the sono tech on Monday, I started feeling a tightening in my stomach which I had felt for several days but dismissed it because it wasn't painful. On Tuesday when the tightening was still there, I called my OB and was told to go to the triage at Winnie Palmer Hospital to get checked out. Nick and I met my Mom and we were shortly put into a room where they monitored Anna for a half hour; they were looking for contractions and her heart rate. During the 30 minutes, there was a contraction and a 'decel' of her heart rate. A decel is when her heart rate drops off. We were taken for another sonogram and it was determined that the amniotic fluid was even lower than the day before and blood flow doppler wasn't quite what it should be. They liked me so much that they decided I should stay so they admitted me to a luxury suite. At this point they have me on IV fluids and Anna is being constantly monitored by fetal non-stress tests 24/7.

This morning, my OB came in and talked to us about our risks and where we stand at this point. Basically if the amniotic fluid level stays the same or decreases, the baby will go into distress and we will have no choice but to deliver her. I will be delivering Cesarean regardless of when this happens. I was given a steroid in order to help mature her lungs. The steroid takes 48 to 72 hours to achieve its' maximum effect.

According to the sonogram at the hospital, she currently weighs 12 oz (sono machines differ according to the different machines and techs. We liked our OB's weight better at 14 oz). Each ounce matters at this point. A typical 25 week baby should weigh about a pound and a half. Because she is little, if she has to be delivered even within the next 72 hours because of fetal distress then they doubt there is anything they can do. Even the tubes they would need to use to help her breath are not small enough. The neonatologist came in and talked with us and he was not much more hopeful. We are now being faced with terms of 'aggressive care' or 'gentle care' and to make a decision about how far we should take this. Aggressive care means using all measures necessary to sustain life though it may be painful for her. Gentle care is using less invasive measures to help her. The neonatologist recommended gentle means; she has been in distress since the beginning and with a baby with so much unknown, even if they use aggressive means to sustain her we must ask the question what quality of life will she have. This is a question only God knows right now.

So in the midst of all this terrifying news and these decisions, we are still holding on to our hope. The OB doctor said that with IUGR babies, because they are in such distress, they tend to mature faster. This is great news in case we need to deliver within the next couple of days. On the sonogram they were looking for various signals of maturity and one is taking practice breaths in the womb. Little Anna did us proud by taking 9!

The miracle we are looking for is that with the IV fluid I am receiving, the amniotic fluid will be replenished. That in turn will cause her to relax and stay put for at least 2 more weeks or for as long as possible. We would LOVE to have Christmas here at Winnie Palmer, but for now we'll settle for Thanksgiving. As one blogger wrote, we still have "a chip to play".

So the miracle has to be that we are here for the long-haul so keep the prayers-a-comin'.


P.S. Happy birthday Elisha! We love you.

Love Melanie, Nick and Anna

Just Another Manic Monday

So we went for the bi-weekly sonogram at our main High Risk doctors office. I wish I could say it went flawlessly but..... It was not all positive. It seems Melanie's cervix is shortening. This is the result of her body 'preparing for birth' the only problem is we are a tad to early for that yet. The Sonogram tech said the Dr. would probably put her on bed rest. Since she is on bed rest already I am guessing that a double secret bed rest should be forthcoming (I hope at least 5 people get the Animal House reference). She was asked if she had been having any contractions, this is a very scary question at 25 weeks, she said 'no' and was told to be on the lookout for them. The other bit of bad news was that her amniotic fluid was low. This is no good because that is also a cause/symptom of pre-term labor. We knew that both of these things were in the future for Anna and the pregnancy but just hoped to be a little further along when they occurred. So now we will be going to have fetal stress tests done to monitor the baby and make sure that Anna is still cooking just right. Maybe I should say Melanie is going to have fetal stress tests, as much fun as they sound doing them on me would get little to no results.

Whew... Now for the good news. Anna is still growing!!! She is still below the curve but she is constant in growth and following the curve. Her head and body are still about 3 weeks behind and this a good sign. No further growth was lost. The Sono Tech also said the blood flow in the umbilical cord was good, so that is a win. As long as Anna keeps up this growth pattern she is in good shape.

We go in for the consult with the Doctor about all of this on Wednesday so that is the next BIG day on the agenda. Please pray for us hardcore that day. Also a funny note Anna was sleeping through the Sono today, she had her arm over her head, that is the way I sleep, a chip off the old block if I do say myself.

We haven't posted a picture in a while but the only picture we got from today is one measuring the blood flow to the baby, so here it is, technology is pretty cool.

We thank you for all your prayers and support, I feel we are still at the beginning of a long road and we will continue to thrive on those prayers. Please continue to lift us up.

Much Love,
Nick and Mel