The Journey Is Over....

Today was the culmination of a very long and stressful journey. Melanie went into labor around 1pm and Anna was born at 1:17 pm. She was just barely over a pound. The Lord called her home a few minutes later. She was to small and delicate to withstand the stress of labor. We were fully aware of this and we decided not to pursue drastic measures to keep her with us. We got to hold her and say goodbye. Anna was a fighter from day one, and fought long and hard to come into this world, but it was not meant to be.

We prayed for miracles throughout this pregnancy, we have received many miracles but not the one we prayed for the most. We have to believe that there is a greater plan through all of this. Sometimes the answer to prayers is not one we like, but we have to look at what the answer truly was. The answer to our prayers was getting to know Anna in a very special way. Through the various sonograms and monitoring we got to truly know Anna's personality. She was a very spirited young lady. We saw her kick and squirm when she was tired of getting looked at, we saw her constantly hide from the sonogram techs, it was her way of saying "catch me if you can." In the hospital she would be on the monitor, then disappear and have the nurses scramble to find her then show up in the exactly same spot she was before. She very much inherited the stubbornness that both her mom and dad have. We got to constantly hear her heartbeat for a week straight, even though we stressed constantly over it (maybe got a very grey hairs). We experienced some of the worries parents feel on a day to day basis. I would not trade that for the world.

I believe one of the miracles we received was that we got to know Anna in the womb. If it was God's plan all along was to take Anna, He gave us a glimpse of our child, and we are very thankful for that. We were truly graced by Anna's time on this earth so were more people than we know.

Third Day has a song "When the rains come" it is a song that was written from God's point of view talking to us. This song was on my heart for that last month of the pregnancy and it scarred me to death, thinking that the result of all of this would be the worst. The lyrics go:

I can't stop the rain
From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain
But I will hold you 'til it goes away

As Anna came and went this afternoon, our room had 5 very big windows, and as our parents showed up to support us, the sky clouded over and it rained for the first time in two weeks here, and I felt God holding us in the midst of the rain. And I pray that He will continued to hold us through this storm.

http://chwcmedia.com/When%20the%20Rain%20Comes.mp3

There is another song that our buddy Rich posted on our blog a couple days ago, his comment went as such:

"my favorite line from a Counting Crows song called "Anna Begins". The line goes, "everytime she sneezes I believe it's love..." Love is born in the smallest of moments."

This is one of my favorite songs, I was really touched about what he wrote, I have liked this song for as long as I have known. I looked the song up today and here is the end of the song:

It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away
It's chasing me away
She disappears and Oh Lord,
I'm not ready for this sort of thing

http://chwcmedia.com/05%20Anna%20Begins.mp3

We definitely were not ready for today, but I could never imagine ever being ready for this sort of thing, We held our baby and prayed over her, gave her spirit to God and now must move on.

We need prayers more than ever, Melanie is fine after delivery but the next couple of weeks will be tough, We have to offer our situation up to God. The rains are truly coming.

Pray for Us,
Nick and Mel

Each Day Is A Gift

It's funny how when you first find out you are pregnant you are always looking to the finish line; the big "due date". When I first started having problems I started looking from week to week then it was day to day. Now I go hour to hour. We made it through another day in week 26 and we are so thankful.

After a tough couple of days, we are staying the course with the help of the drug terbutaline. This is a drug used for asthma patients to relax lungs but doctors have found that it also relaxes the uterus and keeps it from contracting. Terbutaline is my friend!

Nick and I have tried to make this hospital room our home away from home; he even brought in our DVD player. As far as hospital rooms go, it's not too shabby. We have our own balcony with a chaise lounge (though I am stuck to my bed and can't even enjoy it!) My day seems to be split up into categories: shower time, bathroom time and meal time. It is these 3 reasons alone that get me out of bed. The rest of the time I spend laying down incubating Anna while she is constantly monitored.

This is the famous fetal heart monitor that we seem to watch more and more everyday.

God has brought us this far and we sailing on your prayers and support. Thank you so much.

Love and prayers,
Nick, Melanie and Anna

Another Tough Night....

Sunday Night was by far the toughest to date. The contractions started again about midnight. The baby's heart rate dipped at each contraction. They put Melanie on oxygen for the majority of the night in order to make sure Anna was getting the appropriate amount. Melanie received multiple terbutaline shots throughout the night in order to slow/stop her contractions. If Anna's heart rate stays below 80 or so for a couple of minutes we head to the delivery room. Anna is still to little to really be considered viable, so the odds are really low if she delivered now. At every contraction we stare at the heart rate monitor and pray for the number to go up (it is incredibly nerve racking)

We are still hoping the the terbutaline will buy us the time we need.

In need of prayers,
Nick and Melanie

Waiting at Winnie

Well, we're still here and loving every minute of it!

After the rough night we had a few days ago, things have seemed to level out. Over the past 4 days our life has created new routines which include checking and monitoring Anna's heartbeat -- she loves to play hide-n-seek with the monitor and the nurses. Seeing as she is so small, it is hard to keep her on the monitor because she has so much room to swim around. I have been drinking enough water to raise the Titanic, but apparently Anna seems to like it since her amniotic fluid level has improved a little since Tuesday. With all that water, I cannot understand why the nurses would be so surprised/annoyed with all my bathroom breaks from the monitor!

Nick and my Mom have been arm-wrestling over who is going to sleep on the cot in our room; Nick won last night. My Mom went home and got a well-deserved and much needed night's sleep. Nick has been working from the hospital room and takes his much needed field trips to go home and do exciting things like feed Orange and Sheba and do laundry.

We are pretty much staying on a mental day-by-day here and not thinking too far into the future. Just monitoring Anna ... waiting .... and praying...

Thank you everyone for your comments and prayers. Keep them up, they must be working because we are still here. Also thank you to the wonderful holy men and women who have visited and called us: Fr. Walsh, Fr. Miguel, Fr. Karl and Sr. Rosemary. Your presence has been a comfort and knowing that you are praying and offering Mass for us is like having a direct line to the Big Man Himself!

Love to all.
Still expecting Miracles,
Melanie, Nick & Anna

Whining at Winnie

Last Monday's blog seems as if it were a year ago! After hearing the question "Are you having any contractions" from the sono tech on Monday, I started feeling a tightening in my stomach which I had felt for several days but dismissed it because it wasn't painful. On Tuesday when the tightening was still there, I called my OB and was told to go to the triage at Winnie Palmer Hospital to get checked out. Nick and I met my Mom and we were shortly put into a room where they monitored Anna for a half hour; they were looking for contractions and her heart rate. During the 30 minutes, there was a contraction and a 'decel' of her heart rate. A decel is when her heart rate drops off. We were taken for another sonogram and it was determined that the amniotic fluid was even lower than the day before and blood flow doppler wasn't quite what it should be. They liked me so much that they decided I should stay so they admitted me to a luxury suite. At this point they have me on IV fluids and Anna is being constantly monitored by fetal non-stress tests 24/7.

This morning, my OB came in and talked to us about our risks and where we stand at this point. Basically if the amniotic fluid level stays the same or decreases, the baby will go into distress and we will have no choice but to deliver her. I will be delivering Cesarean regardless of when this happens. I was given a steroid in order to help mature her lungs. The steroid takes 48 to 72 hours to achieve its' maximum effect.

According to the sonogram at the hospital, she currently weighs 12 oz (sono machines differ according to the different machines and techs. We liked our OB's weight better at 14 oz). Each ounce matters at this point. A typical 25 week baby should weigh about a pound and a half. Because she is little, if she has to be delivered even within the next 72 hours because of fetal distress then they doubt there is anything they can do. Even the tubes they would need to use to help her breath are not small enough. The neonatologist came in and talked with us and he was not much more hopeful. We are now being faced with terms of 'aggressive care' or 'gentle care' and to make a decision about how far we should take this. Aggressive care means using all measures necessary to sustain life though it may be painful for her. Gentle care is using less invasive measures to help her. The neonatologist recommended gentle means; she has been in distress since the beginning and with a baby with so much unknown, even if they use aggressive means to sustain her we must ask the question what quality of life will she have. This is a question only God knows right now.

So in the midst of all this terrifying news and these decisions, we are still holding on to our hope. The OB doctor said that with IUGR babies, because they are in such distress, they tend to mature faster. This is great news in case we need to deliver within the next couple of days. On the sonogram they were looking for various signals of maturity and one is taking practice breaths in the womb. Little Anna did us proud by taking 9!

The miracle we are looking for is that with the IV fluid I am receiving, the amniotic fluid will be replenished. That in turn will cause her to relax and stay put for at least 2 more weeks or for as long as possible. We would LOVE to have Christmas here at Winnie Palmer, but for now we'll settle for Thanksgiving. As one blogger wrote, we still have "a chip to play".

So the miracle has to be that we are here for the long-haul so keep the prayers-a-comin'.


P.S. Happy birthday Elisha! We love you.

Love Melanie, Nick and Anna

Just Another Manic Monday

So we went for the bi-weekly sonogram at our main High Risk doctors office. I wish I could say it went flawlessly but..... It was not all positive. It seems Melanie's cervix is shortening. This is the result of her body 'preparing for birth' the only problem is we are a tad to early for that yet. The Sonogram tech said the Dr. would probably put her on bed rest. Since she is on bed rest already I am guessing that a double secret bed rest should be forthcoming (I hope at least 5 people get the Animal House reference). She was asked if she had been having any contractions, this is a very scary question at 25 weeks, she said 'no' and was told to be on the lookout for them. The other bit of bad news was that her amniotic fluid was low. This is no good because that is also a cause/symptom of pre-term labor. We knew that both of these things were in the future for Anna and the pregnancy but just hoped to be a little further along when they occurred. So now we will be going to have fetal stress tests done to monitor the baby and make sure that Anna is still cooking just right. Maybe I should say Melanie is going to have fetal stress tests, as much fun as they sound doing them on me would get little to no results.

Whew... Now for the good news. Anna is still growing!!! She is still below the curve but she is constant in growth and following the curve. Her head and body are still about 3 weeks behind and this a good sign. No further growth was lost. The Sono Tech also said the blood flow in the umbilical cord was good, so that is a win. As long as Anna keeps up this growth pattern she is in good shape.

We go in for the consult with the Doctor about all of this on Wednesday so that is the next BIG day on the agenda. Please pray for us hardcore that day. Also a funny note Anna was sleeping through the Sono today, she had her arm over her head, that is the way I sleep, a chip off the old block if I do say myself.

We haven't posted a picture in a while but the only picture we got from today is one measuring the blood flow to the baby, so here it is, technology is pretty cool.

We thank you for all your prayers and support, I feel we are still at the beginning of a long road and we will continue to thrive on those prayers. Please continue to lift us up.

Much Love,
Nick and Mel

Prayers and Thanks

Things are moving right along in the Balabanski house. We have reached 24 weeks this past Monday. With every Monday comes a small, but audible, sigh of relief. Although we have a long way yet to go, we have made it another week. These small milestones have become very important in our lives and in keeping my sanity.

Today my Mother-In-Law, Mary… “Mother-In-Law” sounds like such a formal title, really she’s just a friend who happens to be my husband’s mom… Anyways, she took me to Winnie Palmer to get another IV of Iron. Oh, and guess what! They actually got my IV in on the first stick! This is the first time ever! I was so excited. We also got to hear little Anna today and her heartbeat was in the 150’s. Yea!

This Friday we have a small milestone to look forward to… we have another doctor’s appointment to get a routine glucose test and to get the last dose of the iron therapy series! Hopefully, my Hemoglobin level will be high enough so that I can take a break from getting these IV’s twice a week. On the other hand, these Iron Therapy sessions have gotten me out of the house on a pretty regular basis and usually I get rewarded for being so brave by having my Mom or Mom-in-Law take me out to a yummy lunch… today was Olive Garden! Maybe these Iron Therapy sessions aren’t that bad after all!

Another important milestone that happens once, sometimes twice a week is when my Dad comes to visit and brings me Communion. This has been such a special gift to me, especially because I haven’t been able to go to Mass for the past few weeks. With this pregnancy there has been so much emphasis placed on getting nutrients to this baby because of the unusual placenta, what better way to receive nourishment, than through the Eucharist.

Lastly, I wanted to give a big “Shout-Out” to all of the new Babe Chicks who made their Cursillo this past weekend, and also a huge hug and hello to all my Cursillo sisters on Team # 90. I have heard through my Mom and May how special this past Cursillo weekend was. I have also been told that Anna and I were lifted up in prayer all weekend. You all are amazing! I wanted to thank you so much for thinking of us and let you know that I appreciate all the sacrifice and loving words written in the Palanca’s, all of the women who volunteered to pray for Anna and us for our prayer bouquet, and all of the thoughts and prayers that I know are being lifted up daily. I know that it would have been unthinkable for me to be on the actual Cursillo #90, but please know that all of you beautiful women were in my thoughts all weekend. I found myself at special times this weekend taking note of where you were in your Cursillo journey and saying a special prayer for you at that time. I feel so honored to be amongst such strong and spiritual women. Thank you for strengthening me with your stories of inspiration and you prayers.

De Colores!

Melanie & Nick

Three in One!

No, it’s not triplets! Three is the number of miracles we received today!

Miracle number one… the amnio results were all normal! I can hardly believe it, but they came back fine!

Miracle number two… she grew! She is 10 oz. now and although she is below the curve on the growth charts, she is making a progressive curve on her own line.

Miracle number three… she had the hiccups today! On the sonogram we watched her hiccup away. The sono tech said that hiccups are a good sign of a healthy baby!

I am so thankful for today! I couldn’t ask for more. I had given this appointment to God, but despite my efforts to have total faith, I was still nervous. We are not out of the woods yet, but we really needed today to be good, and it was! All praises to God. Thank you all for praying. We are going to pray this baby into this world! Miracles are happening!

Love to all,
Melanie & Nick

Another Day, Another Doctor

Today I went in for another dose of Iron Therapy and it went much smoother. They hooked my belly up to a Fetal Heart Monitor and I got to lie there for 15 minutes or so and just hear her heartbeat. It sounded so strong. As I listened to the consistent drumming, I couldn’t imagine something so strong just stopping or giving up as the doctors say it might. Along with the heartbeat I could hear her moving all around. The nurse set up the Doppler so it would stay in place by tying stretchy bands around my waist. Well, this just pissed Anna off! I have never felt her kick as strongly as she was kicking that fetal heart monitor. I kept commenting to my mom, who was sitting across the room, “Can you see her kicking the equipment?” She couldn’t, but it was still so cool.

While I was at the Triage Unit, I asked the nurse to call my OB to see if I needed another Rhogam shot. I have been spotting for the past week. I have been reassured by my doctor that unless it gets worse, there is no cause to worry. After the nurse spoke with my OB, she said that he not only ordered the shot, but he also wanted us to get an ultrasound today. Most pregnant women love to get ultrasounds but at this point it seems that they only bring bad news.

When the Iron IV was over, my mom and I headed across the hall for the sonogram. We were telling the sonogram tech that we have an appointment with a radiologist doctor tomorrow to get another opinion on the placenta. It just so happened that the doctor that we were scheduled to see tomorrow was there at the hospital today. (Miracle number… oh, I’m losing count!) The doctor actually said that he wasn’t even going into his office tomorrow so that it is good that we could hook up like this. Unfortunately, he had no good news. After looking at the pictures from the sonogram, he admitted, that “This pregnancy has us all scratching our heads.” Not words you want to hear from a doctor. He said basically the same thing that the other 2 doctors including my OB have said. The placenta is too thick, the baby is too small, and it doesn’t look good. He spoke more of chromosomal abnormalities and syndromes… nothing a mom-to-be wants to hear. The only new pieces of information he offered were that the placenta has a blood clot on it, and that he doesn’t think that the placenta is charogioma which we had been told previously it might be. He admitted he doesn’t know why the placenta is so thick or why the baby isn’t growing as she should. He also offered this bit of info, that even if we had a name for the type of placenta, or a name for the type of chromosomal abnormality or syndrome, there is nothing we could do differently than we are already doing. We just watch and wait. Nick has begun to affectionately call me “The Human Incubator”. I love it when he calls me this! (Just in case the sarcasm didn’t translate through, I in fact, do not like it when he calls me this!)

I also got a call from my OB today saying that my lab results are back along with the results of the amniocentesis. We have an appointment for a consult Wednesday at 10:15 to go over the results. Please pray for these results to come back normal. Although a chromosomal abnormality might answer questions as to why, this obviously is not what we are hoping for.

So, in short, we know no more than we did yesterday, in fact, now with the placenta in question again, we know less. Yesterday’s reading was give to Ceasar what is due to Ceasar, give to God what is due to God. After another depressing doctor’s analysis, I have realized that Ceasar/the doctors are telling me everything that their experience and expertise have taught them. I absolutely give them the respect that they are due. However, I have not given this little girl Caesar, I have given her to God. God is the only one that can perform the miracle we need and it is in Him that I have absolute faith.

Expecting Miracles,
Melanie & Nick

A Few Funnies

Over the course of these past 2 weeks, my Mom, Nick and I have spent quite a bit of time together. Although some of this time is spent in gut-wrenching anticipation of what the next doctor is going to say… some moments have been pretty darn funny. I thought I would share a couple of them for your blogging pleasure.

One funny moment that still makes me smile as I am thinking about it happened last week. My mom, Nick and I were in a very crowded, small, waiting room, waiting for one of my OB appointments. This is the type of waiting room where you are very cramped, and the chairs are arranged in such a fashion that you are forced to sit face-to-face with whoever happens to sit in front of you. I’m sure you know what I mean. You are basically forced to just sit there and awkwardly avoid direct eye-contact, and you try to act like you can’t hear everybody else’s conversations when you are obviously eavesdropping. We had been waiting for a good 30 minutes when my mom pops up out of her chair and says, “oh, let me ask if they got your lab work back from last week so we can talk it over with the doctor!” I replied that it was a good idea. Off she went to the receptionist window, about 5 feet away, and asks, (not whispering) “Do you have the lab work back for the Infectious Diseases for my daughter?” It was as if everyone in the room simultaneously held their breath. I tried to correct her and say loudly “It wasn’t for Infectious Diseases mom, it was just for Infections.” A couple of women sadly smiled at me, probably secretly wishing they had some kind of antibacterial hand sanitizer in their purse. I felt like crawling into the crack of my very uncomfortable chair!

The second funny was today. My mom took me to Winnie Palmer, a place I am getting to know quite well, to get my second dose of iron therapy. While getting hooked to the IV, the nurse was making chit-chat and asked if I knew what I was having and had I picked out a name. I of course told her, and she went on to remark on how pretty the name Anna Grace was. She preceded to tell us about some crazy names that she has heard in her line of work. Some of them were pretty funny, but the best one was a young woman having twins and she had chosen to name her baby girls, (I will spell it phonetically so there won’t be any confusion) Gin-or-ree-a and Si-fill-us. My mom and I laughed so hard we almost peed our pants!

Still laughing,
Melanie & Nick

Iron Woman

I went yesterday to get my Iron IV. Despite a rough start and having to get repoked, all went well. I am hoping that these iron doses will help to bring my energy level back up. Being so tired all the time seems like it would be great if your on bedrest; but it makes me feel really lethargic and just "down".

I saw that Nick told you about my new diet! Wowwie was that a surprise! Low Phospherous means "Hello milkshakes!" In the process of getting my phospherous back up, I might clog a few arteries along the way. I'll have to be careful with this new "diet". Speaking of food, thank you to everyone who has been bringing us dinners and sending us cards. Everyone has just swooped in to help us out and Nick and I are completely in awe of all of you. This journey is an emotional roller coaster ride which we want desperately to get off of, but at the same time we hope the ride lasts for a while longer.

Love to all,
Melanie & Nick

Another Consult Today

We had another consult with our High-risk doctor this morning. Melanie went to her nephorologist (kidney doctor) yesterday for a check up. All of her levels are fine, except her phosphorous is low. So she has a new diet, it consists of milkshakes, pizza, and soda among others (this is for real). Her kidney doctor and our high risk doctor talked thus the consult.

Everything is good, except that Melanie's iron is really low. She is anemic and so is Anna. So Melanie is going for an IV of iron early in the morning to help correct this. The doctor said this is the least of our worries now, so it is really no big deal. The baby is still moving and Melanie gained another pound so all is good in the Balabanski house tonight.

Please continue to pray for us.

Love,
Nick & Mel

Monday Morning Consult

I have to be honest; I’m not sure what to think at this point. My mom and I went in for a consult with my OB today. Nick desperately wanted to come to this appointment, but he had a meeting.
On the good side Anna was looking good on the sonogram. Her heartbeat was good and she was of course moving and kicking! Also, he didn’t seem too surprised about the spotting. He said that with the amniotic fluid being “port wine” with blood, the bleeding isn’t a shock. I explained that it was ‘old blood’ and asked if that made it better? He responded by saying what’s old? 1 day, 2? There is no way of knowing.

Through this consult I was more prepared to hear the answer to questions that I was too scared to ask before. I asked about being anemic and what that means for the baby. He said that this was the least of my problems. I also asked what does 50/50 mean. He explained that we have a 50% shot that the baby will live or die. If she does live then we are looking at brain damage or various handicaps. I asked how the baby would miscarry if that is what we are preparing for. He said that the baby’s growth would eventually get slower and would stop. At this point the baby would die.

I left the doctor’s office feeling heavy. I didn’t realize that the positive side of the 50% was such a dark future. My mom and I were on our way to get yet another shot of Rhogam because I was bleeding.

When I got home I called Nick and gave him the update. Nick responded by saying “I knew I should have gone with you”. Nick instantly started googling. Not for more gruesome information, but for uplifting positive success stories. There has to be others out there like us! He found some. Nick also came up with an Idea for an “Anna Vision” board. He started printing out success stories. I am looking forward to getting more positive things together for our board tomorrow!

Thank you God for giving Nick such a positive spirit that makes him such a wonderful advocate for our darling little Anna.

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s

Another Scare

We had quite a scare this evening. I went to the restroom and found that I was spotting a little. I nervously called my OB’s office and they paged him. He called back telling me that if the baby is going to miscarry, there is nothing we can do. He said to relax, lay down, and if it gets worse, go to the ER to get another rhogam shot.

Because I was scared to death I decided to just go to bed for the night. I will admit I did not sleep well, but the spotting did not get worse, the bleeding turned from pink to old blood. I am due to see my OB again tomorrow morning at 8:30.
Pray.

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s

A Day of Miracles!!!

Today was a day of miracles! We had a follow up with the 2nd opinion dr. and in his office happened to be a fetal sonographer who specializes with the heart! One of our miracles today was that she found both valves of the heart! The dr. still thinks that a chromosomal abnormality caused the thickened placenta and the IUGR, but we aren’t looking at a heart defect on top of everything. The sonographer said that she thinks there might be a hole in the heart, but she couldn’t tell how big or small it was.

Again, everything is so relative. A couple of days ago, if we were told the baby has a hole in her heart, we may have been devastated. Now, it’s great news! We have 2 valves! Also, it seems that every sonogram technician that examines little Anna, instantly falls in love with her. Maybe I am a little biased, but she is quite the ham on the screen! We have seen quite a few sono tech’s also laugh with frustration with our little Anna because she will put her arm where it casts a shadow or she will squirm and move when their trying to get the heartbeat. With one sonogram tech, Anna kept hitting the wand! She may not be the easiest little girl to get pictures of, but I love her feistiness!

Later that evening, around 6ish, we had our appointment with the fetal cardiologist. This man/angel spent about an hour and a half examining Anna’s heart. It might not have taken him quite as long if Anna had been a little more cooperative, but for a doctor to come in on his own time and be so thorough, just for us, was amazing! That was another miracle.

Yet another miracle was the news we received. He told us that the heart was fine. There might be a very small hole, but those usually fix themselves before birth. This was the best news we could have hoped for!

Nick and I were on our way home discussing what we wanted to do for dinner when the cardiologist called us to let us know that he had just got off the phone with the 2nd opinion dr. and he had the results for the FISH test. Everything was normal! (SIGH!) I thanked him and told Nick what the Dr. had said. The relief was physically noticeable. I immediately called my mom and we of course, cried.

We aren’t out of the woods yet, but the FISH test tests for 4 major chromosomal abnormalities. Of those 4 are Down’s Syndrome, Tripoidy, and Tetraploidy. These were the ones that we were specifically told we were at risk for. God is good!

Thank you Jesus for our miracles so far… keep em comin’!
We are ending today with smiles and Nick’s parents are bringing over dinner. After today I can’t wait to hug them and have a nice relaxing weekend.

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s

The 2nd Opinion

Just another loop on this crazy rollercoaster ride! We went in for the follow-up sono today. (Nick, mom and me) The doctor was surprisingly optimistic. The heartbeat was steady and strong and she/he was in a much better position than the day before! Praise God! The doctor still doesn’t like the looks of the placenta, but he was much more positive and upbeat today. With such a hopeful visit I sat there not wanting to ask the question, “How do our chances look today?” luckily Nick asked. Today we got a 50/50 shot! How relative everything is! If we had been told 50/50 a couple of days ago, we would have been devastated! Now, it doesn’t sound so bad!

My OB sent us to consult with another perinatologist for a 2nd opinion and he gave us a business card to make an appointment with a fetal cardiologist. With a phone call from my OB, we had an appointment with the 2nd opinion that afternoon. At this appointment we received a heart echocardiogram. This is where they look really closely at the heart from any and every angle possible. On an up-note, the baby was in a much better position and we found out that our little one is in fact, a girl! She will be called Anna Grace, or as her Nana affectionately calls her already, Anna Banana.

The appointment seemed to be going well. Spirits were high and there was much laughter in the room as the sonogram tech wrote cute sayings on the pictures she printed like, “think pink” and “peek-a-boo”... unfortunately, another fleeting moment.

The 2nd opinion doctor came in and was relooking at the heart trying to find the last view he needed. Once he was done, the news fell on us like a black blanket. He could only find one valve of the heart. This type of heart defect paired with a thickened placenta and IUGR, is typical for Down’s Syndrome, Triploidy, Tetraploidy and other serious horrific chromosomal abnormalities you don’t want your doctor to ever say. Nick asked “what is our best case scenario to hope for?” The doctor stated that if there is not a chromosomal abnormality that this is all linked to, then we will be looking at some type of syndrome. The doctor asked if we got the FISH Test done, but we weren’t sure what that was. Apparently, it is another test that can be performed through the amnio. The results only take 3 days instead of 10 but it only gives the results of 4 chromosomal abnormalities. The Dr. put in a call to see if we could get those results ASAP. He also kept pressing the issue of only being able to abort the baby through the next few weeks so he wanted to rush as much information as possible. Abortion is not an option with Nick and I, but we definitely aren’t going to deny getting information as soon as possible.

The 2nd opinion dr. wants to see us again tomorrow. He also called a fetal cardiologist and got us an appointment tomorrow. (The little miracle that happened today, was that I had called the fetal cardiologist’s office from the business card my OB gave me and the soonest I could get appointment was Nov. 6th because he was going out of town. The 2nd opinion dr. ended up calling the same fetal cariologist who was going out of town and he set us up for the next day! The Cardiologist is coming back into town just to see us, our appointment is even after-hours. Isn’t that incredible?! That was my little miracle today.)

Tonight I can barely even think straight, I can’t even believe that this is happening. Nick, who is remaining upbeat and as positive as he can be, keeps reminding me that we don’t know anything for sure and we won’t until we get the results of the amnio or FISH test. Please pray. We need more miracles!

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s

The Amnio

Today was not a good day. My heart is so heavy. I went in for the amniocentesis with my mom. We agreed that this wouldn’t be a good appointment for Nick to go to. Big scary needles pulling fluid from my placenta… Nick can skip this one. The procedure was not bad at all actually. Pressure but not pain. I just found a spot on the ceiling and focused on not moving. Since the placenta is so thick, the baby is a little cramped. It was nerve-wracking because the doctor had to be sure he didn’t get the baby with the big scary needle. When my doctor pulled out the fluid it was what is called “port wine”. The amniotic fluid is supposed to be clear, this was red from blood. Now to back-track a little: At 5 weeks pregnant I was in Virginia and I had started bleeding. Because I am RH negative I needed to go to the hospital and get a Rhogam shot. The ER told me that I was miscarrying again, “Go home, let it happen, you can’t pray it away”, was what I was told. When I did get home two weeks later, I went to my OB who did a sonogram to confirm the miscarriage. The sono tech, with tears in her eyes turned the monitor towards me and said, “there’s your baby, and there’s its heartbeat”. I immediately broke into tears, as did my mom. I called Nick who was away at workcamp, and told him “We still got a baby!” I also explained that the baby is not miscarrying, but I have a subchoreionic hemorrhage. I would have to be off my feet for 2 weeks, but the news was good. Over the next 2 weeks we saw the hemorrhage heal. This was our first miracle with this little one; it looks like we are going to need another miracle after today.

After the amnio the doctor checked the baby’s heartbeat again. It had apparently spiked up. The doctor said that with the heartbeat being where it is, a thickened placenta, IUGR and probably chromosomal abnormalities, he said there is a 80-90% chance the baby won’t make it through the week. I have been put on bedrest and he said that if I miscarry I will have to deliver stillborn. The problem is that if we miscarry this week, I might need to carry the baby still for another 2 weeks dead. This is because apparently my uterus will not be ready to force a delivery for another 2 weeks. If we take the miscarried baby before then, we could risk damaging my uterus. Because there was blood and again, I’m RH negative, I had to go and get another Rhogam shot. This time he ordered me 2 full doses. He also explained that he severely hoped that I was not sensitized because that can cause all sorts of problems for the next time I get pregnant.

After receiving news like this, the last place I wanted to be was at Whinnie Plamer Hospital. As I telephoned Nick about our visit with the doctor through tears, I watched a woman being escorted to her car holding her brand new baby. As they tried to shove all of the “Congratulations! It’s a Boy” balloons in their car, I couldn’t help but think how unfair all of this is. I did not expect a day like this. Whenever tragic news blindsides me, I always think how weird it is that just moments ago I was fine. Yesterday I was at Babies-r-us ooh’ing and aah’ing at baby swings and little pink hats. How fleeting those moments are.

I came home and told Nick more details of the appointment, expecting him to have a “come-apart”, (a workcamp coined phrase) as my mom and I had at the doctor’s office. When I told him though, his reponse was “so we have a 20% chance that we are going to be fine!” I responded yea, I guess we do. Thank you God for such a positive support! Nick is not letting me be sad about today, only hopeful for tomorrow. We have another appointment tomorrow for another sono.

Pray, pray, pray!

The First "Bad News"

Today we went for our consult and our doctor gave us some not-so-great-news. He explained that the baby is not measuring correctly and my placenta is too thick. For those of you who, like me, have no idea why this is so crucial, apparently the placenta is where the baby receives all of his/her nutrients. A thick, or “thickened placenta” does not share the nutrients with the baby as it should. With the baby not getting the nutrients, he/she is not growing properly. I am 21 weeks, but the baby is measuring 18/19 weeks. This lag in growth is diagnosed as IUGR, a term we have googled and found to mean Intrauterine Growth Retardation/Restriction. (I like Restriction better than the other “R”, so we will just go with that one). The doctor also suggested that we get an amniocentesis done. With a thickened placenta and IUGR, the cause is usually due to a chromosomal abnormality. An amniocentisis will tell us more about what we are really dealing with. We have scheduled the amnio for tomorrow, but it takes 10-14 days to receive the results.

We are definitely worried, but staying positive and hopeful that no chromosomal abnormalities will be found and that we will just have a small but healthy baby. I naively have come up with my own goofy theory liking the baby to a goldfish. You know how if you put a goldfish in a little bowl, it stays little, and if you put it in a big bowl, it grows bigger to fill its habitat. Maybe our baby is just like a goldfish, growing to fill its habitat… little womb = little baby! Makes sense to me! I guess that is why I am not a doctor!

One good thing about having an amnio is that we will get to definitely find out the sex of the baby. It seems that even with all of these sonograms, she/he always seems to censors her own pictures by way of a foot conveniently placed or by standing on her head. J My mom and I distracted ourselves after the appointment by meandering in to Babies-R-Us. Seeing as we have thought this baby is a girl from the beginning, and we only have a girl name picked out so far, we were squealing and being complete girls gushing at all of the little pink things and outfits. It was a good distraction.

Please pray for tomorrow’s test!

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s

The Long Road Begins

Today, I went into my OB’s office for what I thought was going to be a normal sonogram, just like the others. I am 21 weeks and since I have had 3 previous miscarriages, (for reasons still unknown) I am considered a “High Risk” patient. Being a “High Risk” patient doesn’t come without its perks… while some women only get to see their baby a few times throughout their pregnancy, I have gotten a sonogram almost every 2 or so weeks. I did not expect this sono to be any different.

Today they took measurements of the baby and they were measuring a little off. The sono tech also commented that my placenta didn’t look quite right.

We don’t know any more than this for today, we have a consult with the doctor tomorrow. I will let you know more when we know more.

Love to all,
The Balabanski’s